I've been putting this off for a month, maybe more. Definitely more. MONTHS. And the only reason I'm actually doing it right now is because I reasoned with be myself that I don't have to respond to anyone right away if they leave a comment. This preface sounds 10x worse than I mean for it to but I'm not putting much effort.
ANYWAY, I haven't been on here responding to messages, I haven't been on discord or Skype and I haven't even been texting people back regularly for probably a year now. I have had a new phone for a week now and haven't logged into apps because I've been loving the peace. And it's awful to feel that way when you're avoiding messages from friends. I'm so socially drained from work; I have to be "on" full time because that's what I work. And when you have built a persona (? I guess) in real life to balance out your social anxiety that works externally but takes a toll internally.
And that's not to say "oh woe as me I have social anxiety". I've come a long way to improve myself and that shit would undermine all of my progress. But I'm tired, anyone would get fucking tired. And I don't mean to disparage my job, I LOVE it and I'm lucky enough to be working with my degree right out of college. I love the people. But there's a limit for me that I can handle.
This isn't to say I'm not happy. I genuinely am. Another thing I promised myself I wouldn't share on here--before I go any further I'm going to stress that it can NOT be rationalized for any of the above--is that I'm 34 weeks pregnant. For those who don't want to count, that's halfway through 8 months. It's been a interesting and exhausting time for me but if you know anything about the 3rd trimester, you're at a decline stage. You're done.
Getting to the center of this shrubbery maze, I've not done anything art wise to share with you in about that long. If it wasn't work, I was physically drained, if I wasn't physically drained I was barely carrying on basic adult responsibilities. My characters?? Whomst??? I want to draw and stuff during my maternity leave but that definitely sounds like a joke. ~who knows~
I really don't know how to end this. But I'm hoping it serves as a reverse psychology for me to want to talk and respond to messages. Sometimes that happens.